Mother's Day 2011

This week, Clara will "graduate" from Sonshine School.  When the kids graduate each one of them sings a verse to the song "when I grow up, I want to be, I want to be a ...."  Clara's teacher is so patient, because each week most of the kids change what they want to be when they grow up.  But her teacher tells me that everytime, no fail, Clara sings "I want to be a mommy".  It is so sweet, she honestly dreams of that, talks about it, never talks about being a nurse or a teacher or a ballerina....always a mommy. 

This past weekend was Mother's Day and I was thinking about Clara's song.  I realized, that being a mommy was really all I dreamed about when I was growing up too.  I just wanted to be a mommy.  I figured I'd go to college and become a teacher, because that's what my mom had done.  But I never dreamed of teaching a class, I didn't play school, and I certainly never thought about being a nurse.  I dreamed of being a mommy.  Well, I also dreamed of having long hair...but that's another story.
 
I still remember when Harrison was born.  It was like there was no one else in the room except Joe, Harrison and I.  I could not hold that sweet baby close enough.  I could look into his little eyes for hours.  I remember my mom telling me we would spoil him, he didn't need to be held so much.  It was everything I dreamed it would be and a million times more!  And although I'd been a Christian for many years when Harrison was born, I don't think I really got how God loves me until I held Harrison.  I never really got how He would love me no matter what I did, no matter how I looked, no matter where I went.  I became a mommy, and God's love became so real to me. 

Ten years later, we flew to China to adopt our baby girl.  I was adopted as a newborn.  Adoption seemed natural to me. Yet, I'll be honest, the enemy kept telling me I could not possibly love this child like I loved Harrison.  I had a little fear hidden in my heart as we waited for our sweet girl.  More times than I can remember, I had to remind myself to "take every thought captive" and tell the enemy to "get behind me, in Jesus name!"  Then it happened.  The woman in the Civil Affairs office said "Xin Xiao Huan?"  We came forward and they handed us our Clara.  She was a chubby ball of love!  She didn't cry.  She didn't whimper.  She didn't make a sound.  She intently checked us all out.  We were in love.  She was ours.  Again....the enemy didn't win!  I loved her like crazy!  I remember when we got off the plane in Oklahoma and all our friends were there.  Several of my friends just started crying and said "it is so amazing to see how she obviously loves you and knows you are her mommy".

                             My big old boy working hard on the new garden.

                               Our little helper, always glad to help!

                                  My Mother's Day garden with my favorite kids! 

                         My mom with Harrison & Clara on our last Christmas together. 

                                     Joe's mom with Harrison when he was a baby. 

This Mother's Day weekend, I was working with my little family as we put in a raised vegetable garden in our backyard.  My baby boy is 5'10" and working beside his dad hammering and shoveling.  And my baby girl, is playing in the dirt, always ready to help.  When I say to Clara "stop growing so fast, I want you to stay little" she always answers (very sadly) "I don't want to grow up, I'm trying to stay little for you Mommy".  On Sunday, we let four balloons go...two red, one gold lame, and one pink.  The gold lame is for my mom (who loved anything flashy) and the pink is for Joe's mom (who was very feminine).  And then Clara and I each let a red one go in honor of our birth moms, said a little prayer for them and thanked God for the blessings they are in our lives.  I love being a mommy!

                              Our Mother's Day balloon tradition.