Three years ago yesterday morning our phone rang, very early. A nurse told me that my mom was in full arrest. I remember yelling at Joe "she's in full arrest....let's go". Harrison, sensing something was wrong, had come downstairs. He quickly put on some clothes and got his sister out of bed and dressed her too. I called my friend Christine "please pray, she's in full arrest". We drove like bats out of hell and arrived at the facility where she was getting rehab. But when we got there, she was gone. They had done everything they could do. She had a massive MI and pretty much was gone instantly. Within moments Christine was there too. We all huddled in the chapel, crying and consoling each other. Joe, who had been such a blessing to my mom, cried with me. Harrison was very upset, he was pretty close to Grandma Z. And Clara, who had just turned 3, wasn't quite sure what was going on. It was a day that looked like death...cloudy, rainy, dreary, cold. Eventually, Joe and I went in to see Mom, say good-bye. I can see that dimly lit room so well. She looked peaceful.
Then, I had to call my brother. I knew he would be alone. I hated that. But, it's who he is and it's how he handles things best. Then I called Mom's sister and a couple of other people. It began a weird day of letting people know that my mom had died. I don't really like to talk about things that much, and I'm very uncomfortable showing my emotions. Joe was a great help. Christine took the kids to her house. My neighbor Jill showed up with lunch in a matter of no time. And Joe and I began the process of figuring out how to walk through this together.
But I have to say, before that day was over, I was so aware of how merciful God was to us. Due to some health problems and the potential for Mom needing more care, we had moved her down here the first of May. We had her all set up in her new little place. And we were enjoying getting to see her almost everyday. The kids were enjoying having a grandma in town. And Mom got to know Clara in a way that she wouldn't have without those last few months here. About two weeks before Mom passed away (she was in a skilled bed after a back injruy), my brother came down for the day. After visiting with Mom a lot, he came over to our house and we talked. We both knew that things weren't going to be the same for Mom without some huge miracle. My big brother and I knew she wasn't well. And we had to utter the words, "if she doesn't improve, she will have to go to full-time care and I don't want to have to do that." Again...God's mercies fell. He saved Kim and I from having to make that choice for Mom. He didn't have to do that for us. Lots of people have had to put their parents in nursing homes. They have struggled with guilt, sorrow, pain of seeing your parents go through that. But God spared us that. When we got the call that Mom was in full arrest, I knew that I could potentially have to decide whether to put her on a ventilator to prolong her life. But God spared me that too. He took her quickly. That is such a blessing! God walked with us each step of the way.
I am blessed with wonderful friends. Mom's funeral was about 150 miles from here. But when I walked out to be seated for the funeral, there were four of my friends who had driven the 150 miles that morning. If you haven't walked this road of loss yet, you probably don't realize just how much that means. But seeing my friends, brought tears to my eyes and a comfort to my heart. Saying goodbye to a parent, it's not easy. I admit I'm a pretty practical person, I can reason things out pretty well. But when they closed the casket and they were going to bury my mom, I had a little sense of panic. I've never really had a panic attack, but I had that feeling. Unreasonable thoughts "wait....are we sure she's really gone". There's something about knowing you won't physically touch them or see them on this earth again is so overwhelming.
A couple of weeks later, I was working in Mom's house. I had boxed up somethings for me and my brother to keep. I had a box full of files and papers too. And I kind of said outloud "I'm sure my mom is saying 'that's it? my whole life in a couple of boxes?'" And as quick as I said that outloud, God spoke to my heart, as clear as could be, "your mom would have worried about those things on earth, but she will never worry about those things again here." God's mercy!
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